By Catherine Viel, July 29, 2023
(Golden Age of Gaia)
July 28, 2023
For days now a red-breasted bird
has been trying to break in.
She tests a low branch, violet blossoms
swaying beside her, leaps into the air and flies
straight at my window…
What do I have that she could want enough
to risk such failure, again and again?
~Dorianne Laux, Bird
I decided to get very firm with my less-than-welcome emotional expressions. “Look, I understand feelings gotta be felt. But I FORBID reacting with anger when…” and then I named a recurring situation.
While it’s tempting to banish all anger, fear, and worry, I doubt that it would fly. Body and emotional self would likely rebel, and my soul might be tapping its ethereal foot and scolding, Look, you signed up for this stint on Planet Earth in part to feel those feelings!
Nonetheless, I’m heartily fed up with a never-ending cycle of triggered by circumstance, reacting, feeling guilty. We’re frequently told that we’re sovereign beings and that we create our own experiences. If I did agree to feel unwelcome feelings because of a longterm situation I can’t change, I’ll play along. To a certain degree.
I exercise my sovereign-being power, though, and draw parameters around negative emotions. I may “have” to feel them, but the where, when, and duration can be more of my own choosing than they have been.
*****
There’s a huge element of self-preservation in my reasoning. I’ve noticed that whatever you give, you get, isn’t merely a pithy saying. Although I’m putting out anger, the boomerang I get in return is comprised of a miscellany of things that are just as unpleasant. Guilt, embarrassment, self-loathing.
I believe the reason it’s so difficult to rein in my galloping emotions, or at least productively express/process them, is I’m still trapped in the negative programming genetically instilled in humans eons ago by the Archons.
Might I have pockets of trapped emotions that need expulsion, somewhat like a kidney stone, a toxic nugget that must be removed before health can prevail? Do I have personal or ancestral karma that dictates the wash, rinse, repeat of negativity? I don’t care as much about the “why” as I do about the “how to change it for the better.”
Experiencing repetitive negative emotions brings to mind a caged bird that keeps beating its wings against the bars. The outcome is always the same and the effort only weakens the bird.
*****
It’s been pretty peaceful today. The most interesting thing about forbidding anger in certain circumstances is that amazingly, anger seems to have obeyed. Instead, I’ve uncovered a tenderness within the same circumstances. Where before, I seemed constantly primed for anger, banishing it has opened a portal to desirable experience and emotion.
This is so much better than anger and its repercussions! I embrace this change. I cultivate it. I culture it lovingly like a glowing cell of goodness in the petri dish of my life.
Reminder to self: a lifetime of programming can be hard to change with a snap of the fingers. But I also recall, we’re supposed to be moving into the era of Manifesters-R-Us. Maybe I really can permanently forbid anger at that particular outlet, especially if I remember to ask St. Germaine and his Violet Flame to help me disable the Archon implant.
The calmness and ease of the day compared to upheaval and angst is so marked, I feel that it is imprinting into my awareness like an afterimage upon the retina when you accidentally watch a camera flash. That afterimage does fade. Perhaps this awareness, too, will fade.
I put this writing away, and move to the tasks that must be done, reveling in quiet acceptance and even enjoyment. Somewhere I’m sure I hear a songbird trilling as the cage door swings wide and it rushes into the open air of its freedom. Perhaps the bird had the key all along, or perhaps the door was never really locked.
