Of Treasures and Trolls | Catherine Viel

By Catherine Viel, January 31, 2023

(Golden Age of Gaia)

January 30, 2023

Oh, see the knight in armor…
Who conquers those who see him not,
Their brooding heads bent down;
The knight whose scarcely-heeded strokes
Have cleansed and cleared the town!
~Vachel Lindsay, The Moon Is a Knight



Since I’m perpetually frustrated by what I see as hollow exhortations to raise my vibration, I’m abandoning such attempts. If my vibration feels like rising, good for it, but I’m not going to keep trying to force it.

It seems there are two competing spiritual contingents: the “humans have free will / it’s all karma / you have a soul contract to fulfill” camp, and the “free will is not what we’ve been told / the karmic loop was instigated to enslave humanity” believers, where, essentially, all spiritual bets are off.

It wasn’t very hard for me to migrate from the first contingent to the second. While part of it is an understandable desire to point the finger of blame elsewhere for my suboptimal life conditions, part of it is common sense and is supported by more than one commentator or channeler in the spiritual community.



Neither of these viewpoints is satisfying or joyful. Continually striving to raise a sluggish vibration doesn’t feel any better than throwing in the towel and saying there’s nothing I can do because humanity has been hijacked.

This leaves me mumbling and grumbling over the iniquities of life, polishing them up like a troll’s treasure and hoping the shine will distract me from the underlying glop.

Frankly, the life of a sleeper, preferably one who got a saline jab, is starting to look pretty darn good right about now. You can bet they don’t lie awake at night wondering whether free will is a myth or not.

*****



I am heartily sick of struggle and angst. If I did not have dependent beings who require my daily assistance, I’d be tempted to spend hours every day at Old Town Coffee in Goleta, reading library books, writing in a journal, and chatting with strangers who don’t need anything from me.

That’s a pretty modest dream. No flashy cars or fabulous vacations, just communing with self and soul without inescapable tugs on my attention and time.

I might even unpick the mystery of free will, given enough uninterrupted time and the option to wander under the redwoods in Stow Grove Park, listening to the birds, watching the sun filter through the fragrant needles. Pure knowing could strike like a bolt from the blue. I do have free will! Or, I have no free will and I’ve been lied to about it!

I don’t particularly care which one it is, I just want to know what is true.

*****

Maybe it’s not all glop beneath the sparkle of the troll’s treasure. Maybe, like a Dove Promise candy, if I unwrap the shiny surface, a pithy truism will appear.

Sometimes you have free will, and sometimes you don’t. That would be a good one. Or, If you believe you’ve been enslaved by a karmic loop, then you have been.

Not terribly satisfactory, but then again, what can I expect from a throwaway candy wrapper?

*****



My cats have a vibration-raising gear. It’s called purring. And one is sitting on my lap right now, starting up his engine.

A small handful of chocolate doesn’t hurt, either, although it’s not Dove.

Soon it will be time for dreamland. I hope in the transmogrifying realm of the dream state, my grumbling troll can morph into a shiny-armored knight, complete with stalwart steed for riding into battle.

Because no matter how much I want to give up, it seems I cannot. That might be because my free will’s been taken over and I have no choice, or it might be because it’s what I really want. Whatever the reason, the result is the same. When I wake up tomorrow morning, I’m confident that it will be with the commitment to stay awake.