What’s my line?
By Steve Beckow, June 24, 2022
(Golden Age of Gaia)
I can now see counterproductive behavior patterns as they arise. Before I committed to the divine qualities, they’d arise largely invisibly.
That was because I approved of them. Now they work against my new commitment and so are in conflict with me.
When they arise now and seek my attention, I don’t agree to give it and so they pass from unconscious awareness (“taking no notice of them”) to conscious awareness (refusing to give further attention to them).
This is all part of the process that’s unleashed by what the growth movement called “calling yourself on your own number.” I called myself on my allegiance to hostile and disagreeable ways and transferred my allegiance to the divine qualities.
Now patterns of behavior which were justified before as “just me” are seen for what they are (hostile manipulations) and it becomes more difficult to run them. I’m describing that difficulty as we speak.
Once anything is raised to awareness, if it’s malintentioned, it becomes harder to run. Now our conscience gets involved bigtime.
***
I’m actually seeing behavior patterns arise often now – because of my vote switch (or change of commitment). I watch one response after another go off that mirrors how I’d have been some time ago. Oh my. What a pain in the ass I was.
My profound regrets to everyone who had to put up with me.
I’ve learned how not to be. Nowadays when I see these manipulations arising, I just drop them. No argument. No explanation.
It’s curious to see all the fireworks – records, vasanas, patterns – go off in me without me allowing them my allegiance or attention any more. I’m a jukebox at the moment, with no one listening.
But it’s also satisfying that I’m both not acting them out and also able to simply let them fall without feeling I need to put anything in their place.
The obligation to have something to put in the place of counterproductive behavior is what sent me to so many therapists over the years.
I actually don’t need to have anything to put in their place. I actually don’t need props, lines, and costumes, as a friend says, to do me.
I don’t have to fix me. I don’t have to make me better. I just have to let go of what doesn’t work. What is there when I do that is what I’ve wanted all along. (1) It’ll solve all perceived problems.
Footnotes
(1) The Self.