Standing on the Mountain Top | Steve Beckow

By Steve Beckow, November 15, 2021

(Golden Age of Gaia)

Standing on the Mountain Top – Part 1/2

I read a passage from the Mother and it unleashed a vasana (or core issue) which I’m still in the midst of processing. Naturally I ran for the computer.

The passage from the Mother was this:

“You are already ‘in and out’ of the fulfillment of your ascension.

“[What] is the final watermark? It is this creation process. It is not only you accepting and anchoring and being the fullness of your creator self – because you can do that quietly sitting in your room or the privacy of your office. It is taking the actions, being in the stillpoint, the silence, the spaciousness, the dreaming, the expression, the fulfilment of your hopes.” (1) [My emphasis.]

I let out a profound “Yes!” when I read that passage. “Because you can do that quietly sitting in your room or the privacy of your office.” I experienced this as a profound validation of the writer’s path I’m on, which is done “quietly sitting in your room.”

I didn’t know it at the time but I regarded myself as “stealing time away from” other tasks to write. I was “lucky” if I could scrounge some time, etc. I had not validated my writing as my lifetime choice of dedicated activity. I was a thief secretly enjoying his prize.

Mark this down as another example of changing one’s vote. After realizing I had never validated my life’s choice, I changed my vote to validating my life’s choice. Fundamental shift here.

***

And then I felt sad. The vasana said: I’ve worked a lifetime to get to the position where I’m able to write, to express myself, to say what I think needs to be said without limitation, distraction, or any other tug, pull, or influence.

It’s taken this long, it said, and now that I have it, I’m going to hold onto it.

And what is “it”? I asked the vasana. I’m not sure, it replied. It’s more than just privacy. It’s as if, in the act of clearing the decks for writing, I cleared the inner decks as well.

Let me step in now.

I feel at this moment the same inner expansion that I felt on June 6, 2021, just before something merged in me. (2) Back then I felt like I had a grotto-sized empty space inside myself. It was at that moment that I was joined by a second entity….

The big change is internal, not external. Something has clicked. Some puzzle piece has fallen into place.

I feel complete. I feel a confidence and satisfaction that arises out of considering that I’ve achieved the space I was unconsciously seeking all this time. A kind of longing and quizzicalness has now gone. I am here, not like I knew I was seeking any particular place or even seeking anything at all.

(Concluded below in Part 2.)

Footnotes

(1) “Transcript ~ The Divine Mother: New Year’s Message 2017,” December 31, 2016 at https://goldenageofgaia.com/2016/12/31/new-years-message-2017/

(2) See “And Here It Is,” June 11, 2021, at https://goldenageofgaia.com/2021/06/11/and-here-it-is/ and “Mapping a Possible Soul Merge,” August 12, 2021, at https://goldenageofgaia.com/2021/08/12/324500/.



Unity to Houston, made it to Earth….

By Steve Beckow, November 15, 2021

(Golden Age of Gaia)

Standing on the Mountain Top – Part 2/2

(Concluded from Part 1, above.)

The vasana is a gigantic GRRRRR! to all the opposition I met along the way – opposition to doing what I’m happily doing right now. Why can’t we be allowed to do what we love and be financially supported? (Just wait for the Reval!)

But then I realized that, without the opposition, my life would have been totally different and none of this might have happened.

Instead of my first dissertation not being accepted, it could have been accepted and I could be delivering boring lectures in some small institution somewhere now, dining at the Faculty Club and wanting to blow my brains out.

Instead of my second dissertation not being accepted and me leaving university to pursue enlightenment studies, I could have fought the battle from inside and alienated all my colleagues. Again off to some small institution delivering boring lectures, etc.

All the closed doors behind me got me here, right where I’ve always wanted to be. I’m not sure I would have gotten here without those closed doors.

***

It’s done. The jubilance may not last, but I got here, in this moment – by my declaration. I’m standing on the mountain top.

Dad, I believe I’ve passed a hundred books now. Does that prove I’m not a lazy, no-good good-for-nothing?

Can I stop now?

Yes, I can. Everything I set out to do is done.

That doesn’t mean I’ll stop writing. I don’t really know what it does mean.

In actually means a number of things.

It means I no longer have to write, need to write, must write. It means I’ll write from a place of causality rather than reactivity now. The driving issue below it is gone.

I’m now no longer serving a self-driven agenda of proving myself to my Dad (1) but am available now to serve the Mother … and others in a more complete manner than I have been until now.

I have nothing at this moment that I’m aware of to prove. I feel more still in my everyday life than I ever have before. (2)

Dad expressed his frustration over me not jumping to his post-World-War-II commands and called me a name. That’s all that really happened.

Yes, the insult got in. As the twig was bent, the tree inclined and I became an over-producer.

I see what I did with his careless words. Seeing it, my automaticity is now gone and I find, as in all similar cases with me and others, that I benefit from the skills I learned along the way.

I learned to work on my own, at the frontiers of knowledge. I learned to stage my research – first databases; then articles; then books, in a natural flow. I learned to say what was only being whispered and not to be dissuaded by criticism. Most of all I learned to produce.

In the course of enacting our escape plan or coping mechanism at the heart of a vasana, we may find we learn new skills. Thus we learn a great lesson about ourselves in the course of processing the vasana plus we’re left with skills.

And we’re now stronger and more stable for having “wrestled with our demons” or “listened to the siren’s song.” (3) Another layer of superficial noise is removed and we find ourselves at a deeper, quieter level.

Footnotes

(1) An agenda Dad and I probably set before I was born – to make sure I got here!

(2) At Cold Mountain Institute, we’d say “I arrived.” Yes, that is what it feels like.

(3) Odysseus lashed himself to the mast so that he could listen to the sirens’ bewitching song. We look for the origin of our vasana and listen to it, which is like lashing ourselves to the mast.