Toxic Ego Games | Aurea via Sharon Stewart

March 3, 2021

Toxic Ego Games

Telling others to change to gain your approval
Superior/inferior position in the transaction
You're used as a tool to inflate others' egos
Energy vampirism is often at the root of it
Can be used to manipulate you if you allow it

These are not win/win situations. They're win/lose. There's always a winner and a loser, just like in politics. It's a competitive system, not a system of cooperation.

The difference between the ego based system and a system of cooperation lies with one thing: the heart. When the heart is open, even partially, a whole new way of life opens up to the human. Imagine a world based on loving others, giving to others, cooperating with others, instead of the self serving world of greedy acquisition of more money and things that we're living in now.

What are ego games? You want a great example? Go into a bar and listen in on the conversations, especially about an hour before last call when people are at their most inebriated and desperate to get laid. The thing you have to note about alcohol is it helps you dispense with inhibitions. With inhibitions, you often find your integrity, so when you're tanked up, your integrity disappears. Another word for inhibitions: boundaries. When you drink, you lower your boundaries and there's a reason you put them there in the first place. Don't lower them. I found this explanation on Google:

“The effects of alcohol are balanced between its suppressive effects on sexual physiology, which will decrease sexual activity, and its suppression of psychological inhibitions, which may increase the desire for sex.”

As I said, when inhibitions go, so does integrity. All bets are off as the person tries to find a partner for the night. That's when manipulation starts. Believe me, I used to go to bars until I was thirty and heard every kind of come on possible, even that one of saving the guy fifty dollars for a prostitute. This is where flattery is used as a tactic, because obviously someone trying to become physically intimate with you isn't going to put you down. Or are they?

That's the other point about ego games: there are times that they call for building someone up and other times they call for putting someone down. None of it has anything to do with honesty or respect, really, it has to do with what you're trying to trick them into giving or doing for you. And it has to do with the hidden belief you have that you're either asking for something you don't deserve, or that you don't believe you're good enough in general.

When is it appropriate, for lack of a better word, to build someone up? When you want something from them. When is it appropriate to cut someone down? When they want something from you.

That's right. The abusive parent will cut their kids down to shreds whenever they come to, god forbid, get their emotional needs met through the parent. With my parents it was never with my father and once in a while with my mother. I used to go to my sister and my friends for help. I had a girlfriend who was like a young mommy so she helped me a lot.

When someone is trying to build you up, or flatter you, it's because they decide that by trying to manipulate your self opinion into helping you to feel good, that they can obligate you to give them something back in return. When flattery doesn't work, they will often resort to trying to create guilt in order to make you feel bad for not giving them what they want. “Oh! Seriously?! After we've spent this whole night together getting to know each other, now you're going to go home alone?! Wow! I just wasted the whole night.” “Yep, you sure did. Nice knowing you.” The other thing if you're out drinking, buy your own drinks. That way you won't owe them anything. Seriously, there are people who believe as soon as they spring for a meal or a drink that you owe them sexual favours. No, you don't.

They don't make your rules, folks! You make your own rules. I don't care about what's commonly done, or the usual way it's supposed to happen. Cut a new path based on honesty.

Be careful of the exaggerators too. People who claim that spending a night talking with a stranger is “getting to know you,” clearly don't bother taking time talking to people and understanding relationships intimately.

There was one of my mother's: “If you don't lose weight, I'll never be seen in public with you again!” Hey! I can do you one better, mom. How about you lose 150 pounds – me! And I did ghost my own mother, by the way. I'd had enough of this garbage for one lifetime. Call them on their insults. Call them on their bluffs.

But don't insult them back. You're only letting yourself sink to their level. Understand they have to insult you because they feel that badly about themselves.

My mother also used to have this great ego game. Whenever someone came to the house, she'd take my face apart, piece by piece, telling people whose mouth I had, whose hair I had, where I got my ears from, etc etc. This was my mother saying, “Everything you are you are because of either me or your father. You have us to thank for everything that you are. You're not a person in your own right, you're just a composite of us.” Her ego extension. Once she was taking my face apart to a neighbour, and when she mentioned, “She has her father's eyes,” I responded with, “So what's he using then?” which got a laugh and managed to deflect the awkwardness of the whole thing.

Everything I did, apparently, was attributable to something they had done earlier in their life. I wonder what both of them would think about my becoming a channeler who channels aliens from all over the universe and who uses them as examples of who not to be?

Then there's social media. People fight and argue on it all the time over who's right. Obviously you both think you're right, so why bother fighting? The other thing is when you give up your need to be right, you become open to the Truth. It's your need to be right all the time that keeps you from soul contact because why look more deeply into something when your ego already has the answer? Of course, this is also because the Matrix prompts people to do this. Your ego defends you from knowing your soul, folks, every time you think you're right without questioning if there's more you can learn.

Telling others to change to gain your approval

This is positioning themself as one up. No soul has the right to tell anyone else to change, or to conform to their expectations of them. This is an absolute violation of others' free will and universal law. The person who tells you to change is doing it because they refuse to, or they're trying to disguise the fact they don't know how.

People who flatter to have their way with you

Beware of anyone who approaches you with flattery, rather than coming across to you as equals and as someone who is genuinely interested in getting to know you. They have an agenda, and this agenda probably is a short term one, not a long term one. Nothing says, “I don't really want to know you,” like the person who insists they already do, or who starts flattering you from the outset because this flattery is a form of manipulation in order to get you to conform to their expectations. They are telling you how they expect you to behave and what kind of response they want from you, and that they probably won't tolerate anything outside of that. These are people with an agenda. Someone who wants to know you well will take their time to get to know you.

Beware of people who flirt, for this very reason.

Superior/inferior position in the transaction

Like I said in the last video, be careful where you're positioned in the transaction.

If someone is hitting on you, you are beneath them. That's why they figure they can treat you like dirt. Regardless of what they tell you, what they think of you, they are being condescending.

They are trying to trick you out of your greater good, at least for one night.

A boss has worked all these years to be able to have inferior staff. They figure because they pay you, they are flying above you. I knew so many employees who stole from the company and had felt perfectly justified.

You're used as a tool to inflate others' egos

My father used to do this when we had to go out on art outings as children. He would act like a great stand-up loving, caring dad while I sat there and fumed that he never treated us this nicely when we were at home. We, in turn, had to act like sweet, innocent, perfect children and I resented it. I was the most blond, almost white haired when I was young, so I seemed to look the picture of perfect innocence or something, and that was always played up whenever we went out. I was Goldilocks or something, the little dutch girl.

One time, I must've been about six or seven, and we were coming back from the Buffalo Zoo. We had to cross the border and the customs officer asked if we had anything to declare, did we purchase anything when we were at the zoo? My father said no and was just about to get clearance to leave when I piped up that he had in fact bought the little stuffed toy hippo he had sitting on the front dashboard of the car.

The customs officer looked very pleased as he glanced into the back seat to see who this honest kid was that had turned her father in for lying to an officer of the law.

Looking back, my father should have been worried about me. The officer said something to my father about kids making his job easier, laughing, and my father did admit that he had spent three dollars on this hippo, and we were allowed to go. My father should've seen I wasn't keen on his lying way of life even back then. I hated living a lie. Hated it.

Later on when I was 30, I spilled the entire can of beans to my father's ex-boss and family friend and his wife. This man went to confront my parents as well. What transpired between them, I never found out, but I hope he was sweating. I let my father know he didn't get away with anything.

Yeah, I was always the rebel. A rebel for truth.

You lose status with yourself in order to link up with someone else

I remember when I was dating, which I more or less gave up at 30 years old, I would go from feeling like a person in my own right one week, to feeling like I was an extension of the man I was dating the next. Suddenly I was going to sports games, construction sites, hanging out at the bar he worked at, and more at his request, and yes, you want to get to know where the man you're dating hangs out, what he does, etc etc. but does he take as much interest in your life? Or does he expect you to become part of his only? Are you giving up your life to date someone?

I remember Glenn, who complained of being dragged to craft shows all the time.

This person wants to take you places, show you to their friends and go out on the town with you and it's all for the show. Not to say every relationship is like that, but watch how you feel when it's happening. Do you find yourself losing self esteem when you start dating someone, or when you're spending time with a new friend, even. Be careful. Listen to your inner voice.

I was always more for being alone with the man I was dating, but this is dangerous when you're with someone who's only trying to get lucky, not trying to build intimacy. Having to go out on the town all the time to see this person, to me, was counter intuitive to my desire to really get to know him. So I spent a lot of time drinking coffee in coffee shops as a compromise.

Playing on your fears

Again, the vacuum cleaner salesman and the enlarged dust mite picture.

False flags also fall into this category: A false incident is created, which is then broadcast all over the media with ramifications for the public in the headlines (fear porn). Then the government provides the solution, which in fact is part of their agenda. They are reverse engineering the problem, so to speak.

Playing on your sense of obligation/guilt

People will play on your sense of obligation in order to make you feel guilty for not doing as they please or for saying no to them. Just keep saying no.

Dealing with guilty feelings was one of the first things I had to do because that was the way my mother had manipulated me into doing anything. That was really my first order of business.

I remember one time going into the coffee shop and feeling guilty for ordering a coffee at the price of a couple dollars when my mother had tried once to get me to have coffee at her place by criticizing me for buying coffee out, spending so much money on it, for “a couple beans of coffee and some hot water.” Of course, my preference for having coffee at Tim Horton's, at least on that particular day, was that I didn't have to spend it drinking it with a criticizing nag. My mother never realized how she chased her kids away. She wanted nothing more than for us to be with her but she didn't realize how intolerable she was.

Shooting down someone for spending a couple bucks on a couple beans and some hot water and insinuating they're wasteful and a spendthrift (and she isn't of course) is trying to make someone feel guilty for many things, but also for not ascribing to your way of thinking, which is another thing my mother wanted. She wanted me to be like her. For me, she was the last person I wanted to be like. “You're not like me when you do this so that makes you bad!” Which for me, actually would've been a plus, not a minus. Some controlling parents actually feel that you're obligated to be like them. No, you're not.

What the young adult child ends up with is a toxic sense of self worth because they don't want to be like their mother, who they can't stand, but to be themself means they're bad and their mother hates them. This toxic shame and guilt was the first thing I had to plow through. Sometimes this shame of “being bad” gets acted out in terms of smoking, sex, drunken binges and drug addiction. In my case, my mother never drank so at least I could say I was different from her in that respect. She didn't eat meat either, so whenever I was annoyed with her, I'd eat steak or hamburgers just to bother her. What you have to remember is that you're rebelling against your mother by trying to be unlike her, but in the end you're only hurting yourself and you're still not being who you were meant to be. I've also gone through a process of having to admit I have similarities to my parents, and learning to accept them, such as my art talent. I had to go through many 12 step programs to come to terms with all of this, and to work through a lot of anger.

I'm telling you this in case you're the same, and these videos about toxic ego games and how to be unmanipulatible are about warning you so you don't fall into the traps someone who's gone through what I did, would fall for. Yes, this system is draconian, to say the least. It can be a living hell for some. I read a good book on this, if you're interested, by Susan Forward, called “Emotional Blackmail,” and “Toxic Parents,” by Susan Forward as well. It really helped knowing I wasn't the only one on earth who had experienced this, because for some reason, you always think that.

Another time at work, I didn't do as this one guy wanted and his retort was, “What's wrong with you?! Didn't you get your fill last night?!” That was before sexual harassment laws came in, unfortunately because I could've hung him out to dry for that one.

For some reason, some people think that women shouldn't have sex. Or at least if they do, they shouldn't enjoy it.

Some people are so controlling, they will stop at nothing to demean anyone who behaves differently. Don't let yourself become their victim.

Saying something to get a rise out of you

This is a pure control agenda and the energy vampire is saying, “Look what I can make you do! You're totally under my control.”

One time on fb in a lightworker group, a troll was trying to get into an argument with one woman. I read their exchange and it was hilarious because the troll was saying things that to many people would have been inflammatory, yet this woman's response was more like, “Are you talking to me?” She seemed totally unaware of what he was trying to do, consequently he couldn't get a rise out of her. I laughed over that one. It was great.

That's what we need to do with the media: basically ignore it and its stupidity. That's what we need to do with anything or anyone that's trying to control us. Just ignore it. That way you keep your energy for yourself and they don't get the hit they're looking for.

Playing on your shame

Fat shaming. You know, you have a visible sign that you're falling short of the Matrix agenda of conformity: you're overweight. And there are nasty people who will make fun of you because of it. The irony is, often they too, are overweight. I can think of two instances I was fat shamed by overweight people.

I can think of that old kids' retort when I was in school: “I know you are, but what am I?” I'd never ask a person who's attacking you what you are, but perhaps a good, “Mind your own business!” would suffice. Or just walking away and realizing this person is projecting their own self hatred on you. For me, I find I have to respond because otherwise it's like I've just sucked up the insult. I always feel like asserting myself back to the taunter. I'll have to look at that.

The reason people don't mind their own business, by the way, is because of the Matrix and the fact it encourages codependency. You don't know who you are unless others define you. It's that external orientation, again. In the same token, you get to tell others what their business is. Look at mask wearing: there's a perfect example.

I just talked about the sense of toxic shame I had having been raised by my earth parents. I believe that the Matrix will pick up on it and send its minions to you to keep trying to trigger that shame, or fear, or sense of guilt, whatever it is, to keep you down. And the Light allows it in order that you can learn how to use it to ascend. I crawled out of the dark hole I was in years ago and now am wise to a lot of this stuff. I don't fall for it anymore.

Yes, a good point. Never make a conversation with an aggressor about you in any way. If they say, “You are so fat!” don't respond with, “Do you think I am? Well I don't care!” because “Do you think I am,” is just inviting more insults. Remember, to them, your opinion means nothing so they don't even hear the, “I don't care” part. Making a toxic conversation about you is like waving a red flag in front of a bull.

Sneaky people who play on your fear of not making a fuss

I had problems with this for a long time. I was too afraid not to “be nice.” I was afraid of making a fuss at work, and because of this, everyone knew they could get away with murder, and they did.

On the other hand, another lady I worked with punched a guy and put him down half a flight of stairs when he pinched her butt one day. That story got around. People took note and left her alone. She made a fuss.

I was at Speaker's Corner with my niece years ago, and had noticed that this one guy kept sidling up really close to my backside. Every time I moved, there he was again, inching his way up to the back of me. At first I didn't believe it because it was so strange, but eventually, instead of not making a fuss, I turned around and yelled at the top of my lungs, “Get the eff outta here!” He left and never came back.
Make a fuss. Create a scene. It could save you from worse.

They Play You Because They Know You'll Blame Yourself

Don't fall for this one, folks, and don't take responsibility for what others do to you. Yes, we attract our lessons, but other people are responsible for their own behaviour.

Nothing people do is because of you. It's all because of them.

People who say, “You made me do this,” are wrong. Nobody makes anyone do anything.

If you're into telling people, “Oh, I'm sorry. I'm so useless!” they'll capitalize on that and blame you for everything they feel like projecting. Never put yourself down in front of others. Never. And stop saying you're sorry for everything.

I once had an engineer boss who would hand write all his memo's for me to type. What he started to do was to blame me for mistakes he'd made and I knew it. There was no way I could have made the mistakes because I didn't really understand the context in which they were written. One day I started to photocopy his handwritten work. I waited until he did it again, and it didn't take long. So I got my photocopy and went in to discuss it with him. He was red faced and embarassed but he never did it again.

You're not responsible for others' mistakes. It's not up to you to support their ego's.

Gaslighting

Gaslighting is defined as a systemic way of deceiving someone that makes them doubt their reality. The Matrix is all over that one.

This example of my engineer boss falls into that classification. I was sure I couldn't make that mistake, but he kept blaming it on me.

Anyone who tells you you did something and you're sure you didn't, don't listen to them.

Anyone who tells you the sky is pink and you know it's blue, they're gaslighting you.
If people tell you ETs don't exist and you've seen them, listen to yourself, not them.

You Feel Sorry For Them So You Give In

Don't do it. Either you walk away knowing they're offering you a raw deal, or you get the life lesson. Your choice.

I made that mistake with a homeless man in Toronto who I lived with for three years. A bi-polar crack addicted alcoholic, I found out – yes, after he was living in my house. I was hoping he'd help pay the rent. He had told me he would. Maybe one month he might have but most of the time he was taking my money, and the rent money, to use. I knew eventually we wouldn't be able to pay the rent and I'd leave him.

He had plans to beat me up before then so I took an earlier departure.

The only thing he had on me was I felt sorry for him. There are ways to have compassion for others and even to help them, that do not get you personally involved. Food banks, and there are some charities where people aren't skimming off the funds. Find them and help them out.

Often the person who feels sorry for someone is a rescuer. Don't be a rescuer. Yes, there are victims out there but often they're victims of their own way of thinking. That's why we have to do the work and get our ego's in line with our soul's vision for them.

I've met people in the so-called spiritual community who use these tactics on others, including myself. What do they think is the path of ascension? Reading books? Meditating every day? Of course the path of ascension is what Jesus calls “Your daily bread,” which doesn't refer to a baked product – it refers to the problems and challenges you encounter every day and learning to overcome them. Your daily bread was the stuff your parents projected onto you as a child that you now have to transcend, otherwise suffer through life. That's one example: there are more examples of challenges of course and some of them can be pretty nasty. I find it incredible how many unconscious people consider themselves to be highly spiritual. If you're still unconscious, you haven't looked hard enough at yourself. And I mean really hard, taking a good honest look at yourself, stopping with the name calling and facing what you're done to yourself and others. Those of us who were born in hell have every motivation to do so: it's do it or suffer even more at the hands of your ego. We have nothing to lose. Not everyone is in that predicament. Watch what happens now that JB is in power. You're going to see America go through some pretty hefty self searching. JB is the abusive parent you never wanted to have.

If you've had any of these things done to you, particularly by people you considered close to you, you may be like me: dealing with a load of anger and frustration that nobody on this planet does anything the way you know is the right way to do it and that you're definitely on the wrong planet. Out of self protection, you may become avoidant. With the Matrix's constant attacks, you know that everyone that approaches you will be used as a minion usually sooner more than later, and you even avoid contact with other people in order that they won't be manipulated into attacking you. But then I'm being groomed to live in a community of extraterrestrials. I was born here to teach people how to transcend the system that has them trapped. I don't believe that that's everyone's job. Some people stay in it and are awake enough to be able to be of some service, but don't completely transcend the system. My job was to transcend the system, and I had a lot of incentive to do so. It never worked for me at all from the get go because I was that aware even back then.

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