Emotional Roller Coaster | Steve Beckow

By Steve Beckow, April 28, 2020

Well, the return of the red screens coupled with the news of the closure of Kauilapele’s site have been an emotional roller coaster for me.

The loss of access to this site has been a big inconvenience for you, I’m sure, for which I apologize.

I discuss the impact on me but all the editors have been helpfully involved. I’m not ignoring their wonderful contribution. It’s just that I can only safely speak for myself.

There have been two sides of me warring over the re-appearance of the red screens and the closure of KP’s site.

One side of me felt great sadness for Kauila, whom I’ve known since 2008.

I also feared that we could get shut down and looked at how that would be for me – to potentially lose all this work. And I was actually fine with it.

I know that the galactics have back-ups so the material won’t be lost forever.

But even if it were, we leave these things behind us anyways when we transition. None of this is permanent and the desire for it to be so is just me puffing and fooling myself.

To rephrase Krishna, I have the right to the work (from which I grow) but not to the fruits of the work. The fruits of the work have karmic ramifications – and often wider implications than just this lifetime.

And it isn’t up to me to think that I “own” the fruits of the work anyways. The final decision always rests with the Mother, who has a plan. If it were not so, I wouldn’t be writing today. (1)

The second side of me was distraught and went into overdrive. I asked Casey, our IT guru, to make a special back-up of the site (I even made one myself, for the very first time), look into creating a mirror site, investigate other ISPs for a new home, etc. Once we had a back-up, I started to settle down.

We’ve gone back to a change that I for one had let slip, which we corrected. We won’t be making hyperlinks live any more. We’ll simply be recording the URL and the reader will need to cut and paste.

That’s what solved the problem last time. (It doesn’t solve the problem of malware for you. We haven’t got a a perfect solution yet.)

Or is the red screen a message from Michael that we’re getting too political?

In my view, while wanting to stay within his guidelines, we also need to report at least the most important news.

We function as well to calm readers who think we’re on a train headed for disaster. To do the latter, we need to interpret events, which again brings us into reporting at least some of them.

And we’re in the middle of a pandemic that’s covering a planetary takedown of the deep state. If that doesn’t qualify for coverage, I’d be surprised.

When the cabal tries to force people to take vaccines, I assure you we’ll be vocal then as well. And, if they don’t shut us down now, they may then.

I know that Michael leaves the final decision on matters on the Earth plane to me and I assume the karmic responsibility. It’ll be more and more like that in the future. Those decisions I’ll be making on a daily basis.

***

I’ve had several hours now to just let the matter settle in. And where I’m at – that is, the conclusion I’ve reached – is that I’m not going to make my course be dependent on staying on anyone’s white list – WordPress or any other.

If this is censorship, then it’ll be our task to find an internet site that’s free of censorship. (2)

We have no funds for legal actions. We don’t even have funds for all the activities we’re doing right now in response to these developments, which will need to be paid for.

And I personally don’t want my life to be about fighting a legal battle anyways. I want to write.

Even if I personally needed to open another rush-job free site and just keep posting, leaving everything else like books and libraries and categories behind, that’s fine. I personally will not allow myself to be silenced by censorship.

If however we genuinely have a problem with links going to sites with malware, (3) then our ceasing to hyperlink should take care of that.

So it’s business as usual, with the hope that after a rest Kauila will return to the internet. I imagine his sense of loss right now must be great.

Later….

It’s interesting how something can trigger a whole raft of vasanas (or core issues). est used to call that a stack attack and it is.

This combination of events has been a shock to my system and, in the face of it, I triggered a whole raft of vasanas around loss, shock, aggression, etc.

I may need to work at half-speed for the next few days to make sure I allow all the vasanas that come up the opportunity to be experienced, heard, and released.

Every time something like this happens, it’s an ideal time to be free of a vasana. It isn’t easy to complete one if it’s not “up.” So, really, its arising is cause for jubilation. Oh great! I’m upset! (4)

Footnotes

(1) ” If you had seen the light as it actually is, yes, a million, billion suns… You would have simply departed. …

We don’t mean die but you would have departed the life that you have designed – yes, with us, for yourself, for the service you are providing – you would have departed and simply said, ‘I do not need to do this. I will just simply sit in the bliss of love and good luck, everybody!’” (Divine Mother in a personal reading with Steve Beckow through Linda Dillon, Oct. 26, 2018.)

Designed with “us” (the design team), designed with her. If she had not stopped me, I’d be somewhere else, meditating and that would have been a departure from the plan. So she intervened. This is very valuable information that I don’t think has been shared elsewhere! The Mother actually does intervene in our spiritual lives.

(2) There seems to have been a lot of acquisition of ISPs even in the last five years. How much of that is the cabal wanting to control the Internet, I have no idea. But it’s looking a bit like a minefield out there. Time for lightworkers to come together and recreate Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Youtube, etc. Or bite the bullet and wait it out. A planetary operation is going on behind the scenes.

(3) We haven’t received any reports from anyone who somehow ended up with malware from accessing the site. And we did receive a lot of letters from people on the red screens themselves so it isn’t as if people have not been writing in. We hope that means that no one encountered malware, which gladdens our hearts.

(4) See “OK, I Feel Upset. … Oh, Great!” September 17, 2010, at https://goldenageofgaia.com/2010/09/17/ok-i-feel-upset-oh-great/; “Yayayayay! We’re Reactivated!” November 19, 2010, at https://goldenageofgaia.com/2010/11/19/yayayayay-were-reactivated/; “On Looking like a Fool … and Getting It” at https://goldenageofgaia.com/spiritual-essays/on-processing-vasanas/on-looking-like-a-fool-and-getting-it/ and “How to Handle Unwanted Feelings: The Upset Clearing Process,” December 29, 2018, at https://goldenageofgaia.com/2018/12/29/how-to-handle-unwanted-feelings-the-upset-clearing-process-2/

Source: Golden Age of Gaia