Watching Myself; or, Wanting to be Happy | Steve Beckow

Caution: You may get to where you’re headed

By Steve Beckow, August 8, 2022

(Golden Age of Gaia)

Probably because of the rising vibrations but perhaps also because of the cumulative impact of growth work, I can now watch myself make decisions.

I still find a strong streak of self-righteousness involved in my decision-making that may impact others.

I was asked to pick up a jar of coconut oil. I personally don’t use it any more, since the Healthy Heart people banned it as an oil that becomes a solid at room temperature. (1)

Here I was, saying to myself, coconut oil is not good for you. It clogs your arteries.

Next: I won’t return it for you if I buy the wrong kind.

On and on I went, having this self-righteous and defensive argument with someone else over something that hadn’t even happened.

So stop the camera. What is it that happened long ago that has my default programming be so routinely offensive?

Well, what happened was that I was the youngest of a family that seemed always to be quarreling. No attention there. I grew up with a strong felt need to make sure I was heard.

Moreover, I was often the underdog, victim of a quick slap or a deft punch or a swift kick. And so I grew up favoring the underdog and ready to fight in support of them.

Fast forward any number of years and here I am, self-righteous, demanding attention be paid to my grievances, risking turning myself into a nattering old fool in a rocking chair (see graphic, above) by sticking with a righteous, complaining program.

I keep seeing myself at deeper and deeper levels. I have no idea if this is happening for you or others. It actually feels, as my awareness deepens, as if I’m coming more and more into the driver’s seat of my vehicle. I feel more complete, more united within myself.

And then bliss follows. Very interesting.

I didn’t say anything about the coconut oil. I stopped complaining about routine things I could manage myself. More generally, I switched my vote from wanting to be right to wanting to be happy.

That handled the issue at its roots.

Footnotes

(1) I had a triple bypass in 2018 and enrolled in the Healthy Heart Program after.