By Steve Beckow, January 26, 2022
(Golden Age of Gaia)
I continue to feel peaceful. Not 33% cream but 10%; still sweet.
I’m able to notice some things.
For instance, I see that it makes sense that I’d feel stronger if I felt peaceful. I’m getting in less conflict. My mind is a house divided against itself at those times. That’s the definition of weakness, is it not?
Meanwhile, now, I have no issues, judgments, resentments, even desires. All the martial arts books emphasize the usefulness of a quiet mind. Now I’m seeing it with my own eyes.
Again, this is showing me the tangible value of peace: I feel great.
As long as I maintain my commitment to being peaceful, regardless of whether I protest or not, I imagine I’ll continue to feel solid and strong.
The minute I take a poke at someone, all bets are off.
Another thing I notice is that I’m standing straighter and almost have an urge to stick my chest out. These postures are not my usual; they feel foreign to me. But I also like the sensation.
I feel proud of myself, but this time the feeling is not tinged with insecurity or neediness. I’m not seeking validation. I’m validating myself.
I also find myself thanking my body a lot for seeing me through all this time with minimal breakdowns.
I can see the usefulness of all the things that happened to me. They all combined to bring me here and I like where “here” is.
And finally I find myself these days forgiving everything, following Kathleen’s lead, and asking others to forgive my trespasses. That’s a significant contributing factor to what’s occurring.
***
What does it mean to say “I’m at peace”? I can’t tell you scientifically. I can’t be objective. I can’t look from the outside in.
I proceed experientially. Of necessity I’m subjective. I look from the inside out.
Has it worked? Well, look at the results.
In this case, I feel at peace. I can say that.
There are no thoughts arising in my mind, even though I’m writing to you now. I realize I’m typing the words, but my mind is not stirring. That’s a paradox.
No feelings to speak of are arising as well.
Divine states are moving though. I feel bliss arise and flow away. Love is here in quantity. These divine states play upon me but don’t arouse thought.
Completely gone are such things as neediness, self-criticism, felt inadequacy, etc.
In their place is either nothing at all (i.e., peace) or else one of the divine states, which are friendly to this place of peace.
The feeling of being anchored to Gaia lends me a feeling of substantiality. For nearly fifty years, I had no sense of substantiality; no sense of the ground under my feet. (1)
I suppose that’s what made the rock-solid stance I found myself in some time ago: I never felt sure of my grounding before.
Previously, if I so much as turned my head, a new feeling would arise in me. Now no feelings arise at all. Nothing breaks the silence and the peace. What a relief it is.
Footnotes
(1) My personality shattered at age 7 when my father shouted at me from inches in front of my face. It took me until age 58 to put Humpty Dumpty back together again.