By Catherine Viel, October 16, 2021
(Golden Age of Gaia)
October 15, 2021
There is a moment before a shape
hardens, a color sets…
Yet something slips through it—
looks around,
sets out in the new direction, for other lands.
Not into exile, not into hope. Simply changed…
it cannot be after turned back from.
~Jane Hirshfield, The Decision
I can’t figure out if I’m deliberately electing to dwell in the perfect Now (surely a laudable spiritual choice), or suffering from indecisiveness.
Which looks to me like an indication of indecisiveness.
Until I started working with Barbara, my Emotion Code practitioner, I was unaware of “indecisiveness“ as an emotion. But, as described in The Emotion Code, it certainly is:
“An inability to choose; wavering back and forth between one choice and another. Stems from distrust of the self or doubting the ability to make a good decision.” (1)
Today is a perfect example of indecisiveness in action. Or more accurately, in inaction.
There are too many things that I feel need to be done today. Plus an accumulation of tasks that have gathered in corners and on shelves over the months. I can’t decide which to do, possibly because there isn’t even one that I’m enthusiastic about.
If I did none of them, the world would not fall apart. Even the household would not fall apart.
What falls apart is my peace of mind.
*****
It troubles me that this unwelcome character trait could represent an inherited trapped emotion. And not just from one instance but from many. My ancestors appear to have had a rough time of it.
Over the last several weeks Barbara and I have come across many trapped inherited emotions and cleared them.
“Indecisiveness“ has come up repeatedly.
Assuming this modality is genuine and the treatment of releasing the trapped emotions works (which I believe it does), surely I should be rid of indecisiveness by now.
*****
I’m puzzled by my soul’s apparent choice to dwell within this morass of indecision and the related procrastination.
What possible purpose can it serve? How is it furthering my spiritual development? It annihilates my tranquility to have undone tasks and unfinished projects scattered around like broken monuments in the Egyptian desert.
If only the cure were as simple as implementing some time / organizational management system, like Getting Things Done, which I’ve done off and on over the years. Since the procrastination and paralysis appear to be emotional in origin, GTD principles fall on infertile ground.
This situation has been mightily aided and abetted by physical discomfort over the last five or six years.
I’ve had an excellent excuse to spend a lot of time doing nothing. Physical pain is the great demotivator. I can excuse myself for not doing whatever isn’t absolutely necessary.
Now I wonder if contemplating physical rehab, something I haven’t investigated for years, has triggered this rumination.
Because…if I eliminate most if not all chronic pain experience, I lose my excellent excuse for inaction.
I’ll have to start making the decisions I’ve been putting off, and doing some of those long-neglected tasks.
*****
I believe that processing emotional stuff is the thing for me right now (and for the foreseeable future).
Through Emotion Code work, I recognize that many of my knee-jerk responses result from the trapped emotions of those in my ancestral line, sometimes back five or six generations.
Doing that work now becomes a win-win. Two for the price of one: release trapped emotions from the ancestral line, including other living family members, and release them from myself simultaneously.
We all benefit.
*****
Until I’ve rooted out any embedded reasons for drifting about without accomplishing much, I don’t think I can determine the truth here.
Procrastination and indecision, or admirably living in the Now?
In keeping with today’s theme, I’m not going to try to decide right now. I’ll think about that tomorrow, to quote one of literature’s most celebrated exemplars of putting things off.
(1) Dr. Bradley Nelson, The Emotion Code. One need not consult an E.C. practitioner to use the method; reading the book and practicing the techniques can teach one how to release trapped emotions (from self and others).