An Almost-Near Near-Death Experience | Steve Beckow

By Steve Beckow, September 18, 2021

(Golden Age of Gaia)

Now that my parents’ two-handed card game of arrogance and depression is up to awareness, I’ve been observing how often it operates in me.

The number of times I wince in a day is large and that wincing is me imitating my Mother’s reactions to my Dad.

I hate the wincing. I feel like I’ve failed when I wince. So I add a layer of rejection to these feelings.

I add one layer on top of another until the whole thing becomes a rock pile that the glacier of my life pushes forward. The long chain that Morley drags behind him. The mailbag of undelivered letters.

And I’m so irritable these days. Dad thought he could push people around with his temper and I’m only now seeing how unconsciously I adopted his habitual patterns.

Controlling? Oh my. I wanna run and hide under the porch.

I had no idea how like my Father I became. And I’m not out of the woods yet.

D’you see why the Company of Heaven says we actually learn very little karmically from lifetime to lifetime? Here I am at my age, still trying to clamber free of the influences of my upbringing.

But it isn’t just learning. That’s skin deep. It’s realization. At some point the puzzle really will become a picture and that truth will set me free from whatever ingrained quality or pattern I have that’s at issue here.

Until then, all of this is just putting pieces in place. And seeing parts of the picture.

As the energies rise, more and more of our persisting issues and upsets will probably rise to the surface.

Juan O Savin in a podcast today said that America would soon go through a near-death experience. Any good news? Experiencing the rise and presence of some of the really deep core issues that could come up could also feel like a near-death experience. Well, almost-near.

This too shall pass. And along with all our own personal cleansing and processing, we’re asked to do with society what we do with ourselves: calmly be the observer and hold the space for society to come through the chaos with the least possible harm to anyone.