By Catherine Viel, August 20, 2021
(Golden Age of Gaia)
August 19, 2021
Depth and order live only in the night,
Where all the reluctant joinings of our days
Scatter and fall between the cohering stars
…Now I can raise
My mind, and let the voice drop that devours
The pinchbeck hopes of day in wishing ways
To build a stellar bridge from dark to light.
~Thomas Howells, Plan
My standards have become very low. I had a “good day“ yesterday because it didn’t hurt very much to walk around, slowly and carefully, while going about my day.
Experiencing relief and happiness because “it didn’t hurt much“ seems akin to a starving dog feeling ecstatic at being tossed a scrap while the humans gorge themselves on prime rib at the banquet table.
Over this long saga of experiencing hip and leg pain, I have gradually endured an erosion of the core feeling of “myself.“
From a spiritual standpoint, I am aware that I am not supposed to perceive myself as my body or my emotions or my mental processes. I am soul/spirit, a God fragment, experiencing an incarnate human life. A spirit with a body, not a body with a spirit.
Being perfectly still and practicing Reiki or engaging in other contemplative states of being allows me to dwell within a sense of wholeness of self.
The moment I stand up, the illusion of wholeness disintegrates and I am yanked back into pain, away from the peace of communing with Spirit.
Every time this happens I feel myself cleaving into at least two parts. The part that believes physicality and the third dimension is some kind of illusion, and the part that can’t help but notice that physical life is painful in a way that I can’t banish by reciting a few affirmations.
This leads me to wonder: how could this possibly be the plan for my life? The seesaw between scarce moments of dwelling in the endlessness of Spirit, and the rest of the time being confined to a pinpoint of painful physical reality?
I really can’t believe that this was part of my life plan before I came. If it was, I would very much like to time travel and make a few edits.
*****
I recently came across a heartfelt complaint from a commentator outlining all the ways she perceives that “the plan“ is not working too well for humanity.
People are being injured and dying from the vaccine. Freedoms are disappearing. Many, like this commentator, believe that the Alliance is in control behind the scenes and all the chaos, death, and pain being dumped upon humanity is therefore actually coming from “the good guys.”
Which makes it sound like the plan to save humanity includes a great deal of killing and injuring vast numbers of humans. In other words, just like the “dark plan.“
Then there’s what some call “the Mother‘s plan.“ The spiritual side: Ascension and moving into the New Earth and the fifth dimension and so on.
But what I keep coming back to is another theme that I’ve seen many times. It can be summarized as: you are here to become yourself. To recognize and acknowledge who you truly are.
Which makes it sound like the only real plan is to become ourselves.
*****
The difficulty I have with “being myself“ is that I keep encountering a seemingly endless parade of imposed factors completely unrelated to peace and joy—the states I align most closely with as my “real self.“
There are those who would gently admonish me that I am always myself and it is only my perception that is at fault. Whatever I am experiencing, no matter how much I believe it pushes me away from my Self, it is “meant” to be, and therefore, it is my Self.
My responsibility is to accept everything exactly as it is, accept myself exactly as I am in any given moment. I get bonus points if I can do so with a smile.
In my more disgruntled moments, my response is: I am not a saint. Don’t ask me to be one.
In my calmer moments, I see the wisdom of acceptance rather than struggle. Struggling against something only gives it energy and brings more of it into your life—the inevitability of the law of attraction.
*****
Naïve optimism is also part of my Self. In this optimistic mode, I can believe that I will wake up tomorrow morning and have no pain.
I feel assured that the Alliance has not orchestrated a plan that continues to harm humanity merely for the purpose of “waking people up.“
But most of all, I can believe that the only real plan is, indeed, for me to become my true self. To recognize and acknowledge and embrace whatever self exists in any given slice of time.
And to believe that from a personal standpoint, which is all I can truly relate to, this is in fact the only plan that matters.
I take a breath, and close my eyes. In perfect stillness I have perfect peace and I am my true and perfect self.
