Drinking the Poison, Hoping they’ll Die | Steve Beckow

Interesting journey….

By Steve Beckow, August 1, 2021

(Golden Age of Gaia)

Drinking the Poison, Hoping They’ll Die – Part 1/2

I’d like to make a distinction between objective fact and subjective interpretation.

The worst I ever did was steal a chocolate bar. OK, a tin of rock candy too. For both of which I was caught and disciplined. That’s an objective fact.

Apart from those cries for help (my father was hitting my mother), I was usually found defending the law rather than breaking it.

Nonetheless my inner life was turmoil. Predicting my Dad’s moods, avoiding the back of his hand, staying away from him, etc. This was due in part to objective fact, but in great measure to my subjective interpretation.

I lived for most of my life with the objective fact being that I was a good boy, relatively speaking (mother’s contribution), and the subjective interpretation being that my inner life was hell (father’s contribution).

In this sense, you could say that I created a split personality and was totally out of balance with my male/female sides.

Looking back, I can see how some very bad people seem like law-abiding citizens to their neighbors, until the hidden side of them erupts. No one knew of the volcano inside of me. Except those closest to me. (1)

Anger raged over felt abandonment from the crib onwards, betrayal, family violence, on and on. I’ll look at the results at more length in Part 2.

I’ve processed most of that and it’s been an interesting climb. We say that “ontogeny recapitulates phylogeny.” (2) Well, my inner climb back from chaos and mayhem, most of it self-created, seemed to recapitulate human history from the caveman forward. I’m not out of the bog yet.

What I don’t make disappear will be erased by Ascension, the same for all of us. But what an interesting journey.

It’s as if I’ve been all places in the space of a single lifetime, from anger to love.

Who am I to point a finger at anyone else? To throw the first stone?

***

Let me demonstrate the true situation with an experiment. Take judgmentalness and love. Breathe into both.

With judgmentalness I feel constriction, a tightness in my stomach. When I release that tightness, nothing remains. Judgmentalness disappears.

With love, I feel uplifted, nourished, satisfied. When I breathe into it, it remains. In fact it expands. It subsides but it never disappears.

Even a simple experiment like this can show us that the higher vibrations are lasting; the lower vibrations are not. It isn’t a great leap from there to surmise that the higher is more truthful and the lower more illusory.

Resenting is familiar to me; love is not. Love is relatively new in my life whereas the old ruts of judging and resenting – drinking the poison, hoping they’ll die – are all well known.

Knowing Ascension will free me is grounds for my patience. Helping the process along by any means possible simply makes life more enjoyable.

Tomorrow I’d like to look at the old programming I replay as a part of this scenario.

Footnotes

(1) I was very touched my Whistling Yogi’s account of his father-in-law, Leo. His story had similar features to my own.

(2) The foetus seems to pass through the same stages in its development as the species seems to have in its evolution. Factor in that straightforward or linear evolution leaves out the role of archangels and the Divine, who can create newly and in other ways affect evolution.



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By Steve Beckow, August 2, 2021

(Golden Age of Gaia)

Drinking the Poison, Hoping They’ll Die – Part 2/2

(Concluded from Part 1, yesterday.)

I had such a classic example of old programming going off this morning, exactly as I was working on this article. I have to relate it here.

A friend phoned earlyish in the morning and asked me a favor which was at the limits of inconvenience. I said “no,” but then relented (I’m a Good Boy).

From that moment on I began to exact a price by resenting. I put tension in my stomach. I created a grumpy mood. I accessed a set of saved and stored records containing my best lines, expressions, and gestures.

I resolved to persist until I got an extra special “thank you!” Everyone (my mind and body) had their mission, so to speak, and went to work. This was no drill. This was not Toy Story.

This was a Good Boy pouting and – worse – rebelling. It shades into a Good Boy exerting control over another and trying to shape their thinking; i.e., “train” them.

I next watched myself standing in just the right place to meet them, with a certain expression on my face, having prepared everything carefully, and waiting for my expected (notice the future-binding here – expected) extra special thank you.

Well, I got it and I watched myself stand down. Crisis over. Mission completed.

OMG. I just watched myself trigger and run an old program – in real time.

And I resort to programs a lot.

I never saw it until now but this is drinking the poison, hoping they’ll die.

I’m only harming myself. I’m not harming them in the slightest.

But this is what … OK, some of us … do. I’m probably not the only one. (1)

What I was about to do was all fashioned by that precipitate of all our conclusions about life and people and our decisions flowing out of them.

Call it vasanas, core issues, old baggage, childhood trauma – the name doesn’t matter. It’s our old programming, which we trigger to get what we want in life, to train people, to control them, and have them do what we want.

And here I was acting it out. And I’m either congratulating myself on the desired effect or feeling depressed that I’m never going to get what I want from this person.

Which it turns out is (wait for it) love.

This is all upside down. Not least of all because love comes from my own heart. But let’s leave that leviathan aside for the moment.

In this particular instance with my friend, I stumbled along, my old programming playing, and me ignoring it and being my usual cheerful self instead. It was awkward but I made it through without (once again) dirtying my own nest.

That’s what attempts to control are, aren’t they? Unless they’re mandated by necessity, attempts to control only have us dirty our own nest. And then everyone agrees not to talk about it. (We call this “relationship.”)

Why else would we be told that freewill is a universal law? Freewill is a design feature of the game called life. Control, unless necessary as in a house on fire, ultimately fails, as the Mother remin ds us:

Divine Mother: It is painful for a being that seeks power for themselves or power over another, whether it is a parent over a child, a husband over a wife, a man over an army. It matters not.

The yearning [for], the exercise of control never gives joy. The pain simply grows. And so the actions become more grotesque, larger, until the breakdown is and has [been] and will be occurring. (2)

When I really, really get that, down to my toes, I’ll stop listening to my old programs and trying to control others and the outcome.

Meanwhile life obligingly gives me one opportunity to get it after another.

Footnotes

(1) Misery loves company.

(2) Transcript ~ The Divine Mother: Take Up Your Divine Authority, AHWAA, February 23, 2017, http://goldenageofgaia.com/2017/02/28/transcript-divine-mother-take-divine-authority-ahwaa-february-23-2017/.