-discovery.
You’re Going to need me before I need you
Then: I used to think that this was a way to keep people in their place. I had a way I was living and so did they, their way of living put me at an advantage. Because they would always need me and I would not need them. This made my ego feel good.
Now: I understand that idea is not only about money, it could be a level of education, difference in job title. The ego does not need much to put other people down. I learned through experience that I could not have them need me, without also needing them to make my ego feel good. It was a dysfunctional relationship. Not one based on love but dependency, and control. How I came to this realization was, I noticed how I needed people to be stuck and in trouble. How I did not feel so good when people who needed me found a job or got married or were doing better. I mean for me it meant they would not need me as much. Who am I now? Every time someone left my life, my self-definition took a hit. And then. I realized there really are two aspects of us. One that wants what is good for everyone and wants everyone happy and smiling; and the side of us that needs people to need us, needs to control the actions of people for our own benefit. And as it turns out there is one only one of these we can choose from at any given time. And the one I chose is the one the world will reflect back to me. So, no matter what I choose I will be right, to me.
The whole world will present evidence of my own self-perception, and we are always right...it’s how you perceive ourselves. You always know your own definition and beliefs and your world just mirrors that back to you. Because it’s not what everyone or anyone has to say, it's all about, who you are? What is true for you. Who you align with, and more importantly why? Your strength or self perceived short-coming? Maybe you were right all along, and the world taught you something else, and you believe it and that’s why you’re not happy, you believe in something untrue. Illusions don’t make people happy. It is for this reason. There can be: how you feel about something, and someone can say something that is also true. It's not about them or what they have to say, it's really about how you see yourself, and everywhere you go there is a teacher. So, when you align to what is false, there are teachers for that. Because you believe something false, they will mirror back to you your disbelief in your own truth. And when you want to align with something true there is a teacher for you in that regard. You are the one choosing your alignment. Victimhood or victory is always our choice.
-Ananda
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Excerpt from upcoming book, Been There Done That, Self recovery through self