By Steve Beckow, December 21, 2020
(Golden Age of Gaia)
Happy Solstice tomorrow, everyone. The days are getting longer! … but speeding by faster!
Again, the Pause has given me ample time for introspection. In a mood of introspection, I just caught myself saying something so significant that I stood there for some time immobilized.
There was something about the way I was being socially that I couldn’t put my finger on, but it was skewing my behavior. I was off-balance, “people-pleasing,” to use Len’s phrase.
Then I heard myself (or somebody else) say, “I don’t believe myself.” I repeated it again and again as I stood there. It was a dawning awareness and it brought me to a standstill.
Yes, I don’t believe myself. I watch myself craft my performance. How could I possibly believe myself if I witness myself rehearsing my lines, putting on my face, walking the walk, talking the talk.
How could I fool myself that I’m somehow being genuinely me?
It’s all bogus.
Who would I be without my act?