I'm Searching for it in me | Steve Beckow

By Steve Beckow, June 11, 2020

It’s very strange. When I take my self, my life, my mission seriously, I feel a very pleasant change of energy.

The situation is like turning the dial of a radio and coming upon a station “playing my music.” I perk up and leave the dial there.

So here, on this frequency of taking myself seriously, of using my time effectively, of becoming conscious of myself and everything around me, I feel at home; I perk up and leave the dial here.

This feels like me, where my life before lacked engagement, satisfaction, etc.

I’ve been flirting with this space all my life. I was reading Classics Illustrated as a child, Landmark Classics later, Homer, Ovid, Xenophon, soldiers, naval heroes, airmen – always of men and women who took themselves seriously.

When I walk, I feel most comfortable walking super-slow and using the time to think. I notice in the evening, before I go to bed, I walk slowly around my apartment any number of times.

I recognize this space as that of the balanced Adult, that of a voice I’ve called “the Commander.” Only now I see the means by which I slip into this space naturally, rather than partially and awkwardly. By taking myself seriously, which I was never doing before, I end up in my Adult, the Commander.

Someone will say, “Oh, you shouldn’t take yourself so seriously.” There are always extremes which are to be avoided. But in the moderate, middle, central zone, this frequency suits me. It enlivens me. It nourishes me. It definitely appeals to a side of who I am.

Something inside of me is wanting to emerge. And it’s characterized by the philosophical, the introspective, and the fundamental.

Some people want as much of things as possible. Others want the right kinds of things. I just want to know what is basic to all this, what is fundamental? What is the sine qua non of life? What is the Source?

Since all is consciousness, I’m searching for it in consciousness. I’m searching for it in awareness. I’m searching for it in me.

Source: Golden Age of Gaia