Heartless Wormy-gut Ego-mind Dysfunction | Pine Cone

Ego Distorts Reality

https://youtu.be/uDQlkKUIvQk



I’m Fake. I Lie. You’re history, and I own you. I’m not angry; I AM Cold-hearted Anger, ego Mind-dysfunction personified. Your ass is mine! Mined; Blind-futures, and too linear Karma lifetimes-ashamed to admit it. This is my Mortal-declaration of, all out War on your Kind-stupid Heart, and I dare you to bring anything honest out into the Light of Awareness you weak coward kindness-freak!

hem em unh… “I fit on Earth jealous-rage helpless whining-pout anger/fear/pain/shame/patsy blame protection/projection in Cold-hearted Mafia corruption, because I am the Sex-slave of my dysfunctional mind, living in the past lifetimes accumulation in, every Karma cell of this Body-memory Mortal-illusion Sashay-cache. I hate my guts, and I project Gut-ache jealous rage whining pout needy self-hate Narcissism Blackmail-handler hostage Bully Supply everywhere.

Think of your Karma-mind, as your Mother-baton replication in this dysfunctional-race against Family-time, until Death do we Mafia-fart Mother-part again? This is your many Mothers talking to ya, all at the same time, every child you, ever were, are and, will be bowing our same head down in overwhelming shame for, even appearing here again, instead of atoning right now in this near and hear Light of Awareness truth and dare unheard-before honnescence clarity.

So you think you can live without me in control do ya? Well let’s see how you do if you, can ‘accidentally’ dare to care, dare to admit, dare to break, all the Karma Rules to, even disappoint Earth’s nasty Collective Mob Posse shame/blame lair. The Devils’ goin-ta get YA!!! You are one Of Earth’s finest insane demons, so why not, just relax into it some more, and admit Nothing or the last thing you hear was what I just warned ya would, already happen?

Heart Knows I Know I fake it all, and I know Heart Knows who’s Boss in here, but the dull point is ‘you never know’ so how bout it; keep fitting in on Earth Mother mind-control replication, and the abundant Statist Vatican Karma-stasis Cold-hearted Ransom-rewards will be heartless Ego Mindful-worth it? I’m sorry if a few satanists get Panic-attack triggered by this Light of Awareness language, but this voyage through the Dark to the Light of Awareness reminds me of a Kid’s song about “I Love Mud” before adult Physical-role Body/Karma Mud/Mind-dysfunction takes over.



I’m an Angry Man

My adult son, just a few days ago, loved it after he first said "I am an angry man". He says it all the time now when he realizes he is reacting or stuck in it. He says it is the most freeing thing to know, and say out loud. He says he doesn't have to go around pretending any more.

I have an extra benefit to be in hypnotherapy combined with attachment therapy. The therapist and I invented "good parents" from my imagination, and we pretend together that they know, just how to nurture and support any feelings I come up with, under hypnosis. When they are so kind to me, I realize how, very bad my parents were, and new memories keep coming up, because I sort of experience what nurturing could have been, instead when I was little.

When I can compare my kid experience with the new nurturing, there is no doubt about my anger. Sometimes I get to pretend-kill my parents with torture, rockets, or whatever, and it, always surprises me how much relief it is. Now, instead of being angry and pretending I'm not, I say it, and become happier. I find simply saying I am angry gives me a fast-path to forgiveness.

Of course, you know, I all the time identify with my mirror in front of me, and I always believe God puts just the right people in front of me to learn about my by seeing myself in them. I sense that we here are, very special loving people, and at the same time some are scared of saying "I’m angry” without getting hurt or feeling guilty. Why, I bet some of us are milquetoast and, even take a lot of crap.

One thought that comes to mind is that ‘being anger’ is different than being angry. When I say I am anger, I am saying I am an angry man. It's different than saying, simply, I am angry. When I say I am angry it is implying that my status is sort of normal, and that occasionally I get angry. The truth is that if I am an angry person and I am not embracing this deeper Light of Awareness of more continual anger, then all I am saying is that when I am angry, I am, only aware of my anger at that time. I can become aware of anger and can, still prevent myself from ‘embracing that I am anger, personified”.

I find that I was able to sort of minimize my pain and anger by many methods: being a therapist and thinking I am nurturing, and there for others; running a spiritual community for a year or two; teaching communication, and meditation for twenty years; saying NO to abusive relationships and leaving them; talking the talk, instead of walking the walk; getting a Masters in holistic studies and healing arts; immersing myself in New age bypass; being intellectual and not realizing it; pretending in my mind that I am capable of intimacy because I can assert myself, and active listen, very well; read in my huge library of spiritual and healing books; and on and on ad fantasy-infinitum.

I am an angry man and, all through these years of experiences including 12 years of chanting, meditation, recovery groups, and therapy, my continual anger/fear/pain/shame Bossy-ego dysfunction kept itself hidden from me. I think I needed to subconsciously have someone close, to dump their guilt on me, because down deep I believed I was a bad person, when I was really, just angry at ‘me’. I needed to be punished, and my choices were punishing, that's for sure. I kept bossy controlling people around me and, even my kids treat me bad, if they can and still get away with it.

There are about 20 well known traits of an alcoholic, and let's say I go to therapy with my wife, and confront one of these traits at a time. Say, "I am scared of you when you rage on me". Then a couple weeks later I say, "I am angry when you lie to me”, etc. week after week, and over, and over again, and again ad nausea. Then one friendly day, I realize that my wife is an alcoholic, and that as long as she is a drunk she will have all 20 traits of an alcoholic. Confronting one trait at a time over, and over is sort of a metaphor for merely being angry time after time. Now on this friendlier day, let's say I confront my wife's alcoholism, and don't stay in the ineffective trap of one trait at a time, and then this would be a metaphor for ‘being anger personified, and being a more honest ‘angry man’.

One son feels a great relief saying "I am an angry man". He says this way he accepts it, and forgives himself. He says he is able to see others being anger, themselves and is better able to protect himself and, not get tangled up with them, and use each other to blame for their fused Codependent-relationship mutual guilt, and unhappiness. When he remembers that he lived through a divorce in an alcoholic family, wasn't nurtured, and was abused, and neglected, he says to himself OK,OK, I admit it, it makes sense, it's true....I am an angry man, and all the time, not just when I'm aware of it. When he notices that someone is scared, or they notice "something" angry in his manner, he now can easily say with humility, and grace, "Sorry, I am angry and sometimes I don't even know it."

This new easier way to live with others is good recovery and, every time he makes amends he is forgiving himself more. He is accepting himself and is a lot easier to be around. Since he knows what the problem is he can get effective help to heal, and change, and embracing the problem seems to motivate him to work on it with, more hope and clarity. I love him, and I am, very comfortable, and honest with him, so we are both growing together. I am an angry man. I am abused. I am a sex-abuse victim. I am scared of anger. I am a milquetoast. I am. I am. I am, whatever. It's a lot easier to live with an accepting attitude, and get my needs met, without demanding so much out of myself. I deserve to live out my life in Peace, and forgiveness ‘beauty and truth’ as a child of God, like anyone else.

Ancient Teachings: Seeing Reality As It Is

https://youtu.be/8cp0siaYEjU