Easter | Pine Cone

Om Namah Shivaya - Tribute to Bob Marley - Song by Krishna Das

https://youtu.be/FiUy0KlT42o



21+ years ago on Easter morning in the sunshine I was sitting in my window watching, all the very expensive cars in a wealthy town on the Ocean going to church, as families of my children’s friends that, hardly had any idea like mine, so full of Heartfelt Spiritual Surrender, instead of whatever they were trying to do to impress each other. Cars like marching soldiers inspired me to express my take on Good Friday, to Easter, because I knew there had to be something else besides using religion like a once per week, or once per year spice on a special dish with my children’s friends so messed up, our apartment, right next to Saint whatever’s Church wealthy congregation seemed their, only hope to keep from killing themselves.

I had already experienced something a little less like this for a decade at an Ashram where many showed up, more like a few days of ‘meaningful’ vacation, with no yearning possible to unlearn such glaring ego Usury without any surrender yearning sincerity either. My writing sustains my Inner Life, from knowing there’s just gotta be something better than, what has taken over Earth’s, very demise. Earth reactions to my ideas had, already gotten me killed, shunned, humiliated, and battered until my breath stopped many times already, so my personal sustainability by writing keeps me safe in the murdering pace of whatever it is, that seems to be the Earth-shame that, always has an angry reaction censuring face.

Easter

I wonder if Good Friday is about suffering. I wonder if suffering could mean “Suffering my truth”. Sometimes in my heart opening growth I feel like I am dying when I admit I’m messed up somehow. Therapists and teachers on the path explain that fear is ego=>is denial=>is the enemy of opening my heart. And when I change my beliefs; when I really change at deep levels, part of my ego falls away and it feels similar to dying. Secluded cultures have rites of passage and rituals to symbolize deep changes, and play around with ceremonies to honor the death of the ego, or the end of one phase of life. In this way, the person changing gets help from the community to honor the new ways, and the person gets “Right understanding” and self encouragement to maintain balance before, during, and after big changes.

When I admit I am messed up somehow, it feels like death, a passage, and I wonder if this is the true symbolism in the Crucifixion of Christ. I know when I’ve had to admit that; I have resentment; I’m unhappy; I’m depressed; I am angry; or I have hurt someone, I feel messed up, and I am deeply embarrassed, and I feel shame. During these times, especially leading up to my admittance of a frailty, my life gets very intense, and experiences happen in such a way that I’m forced to face my painful truth. During these times I could resort to that familiar survival ambivalence: fight, flight, submit, but when I continue to pray, meditate, and do what my heart tells me to do, forgiveness vibrates the bullshit off the outside and I see my Inside Spirit Truth.

What if Good Friday is a symbol of suffering, honestly, some truth or other and the promise of humbling myself and trusting is that I will be reborn into a new attitude of greater Love and wisdom of gratitude? What if, the long three days between Good Friday and Easter is the needed time for our soul to reconcile the vast changes that occur when one deepens their faith?

What if Easter is the symbol of that new life without the burden of fear, pain, and anger repressed inside us, and weighing us down? What if Easter is a turning back to innocence and child-like attitudes of trust and spontaneity? What if Easter only comes to those of us who admit we are messed up somehow, like Good Friday symbolizes? What if on Good Friday, when we humble ourselves, we plant a seed of faith and the three days are the three days a seed sits in the dark going through a quiet metamorphosis and re-energizes to sprout into the World anew?

I was born on Good Friday in 1945 and I have a particular interest in the meaning. It has always seemed like an oxymoron that such a bad thing could happen, and we call it “Good” Friday. With this idea I have just put out here, I start seeing there is no paradox. It is “Good” when one of us cries, or blurts out our negative stuff, that keeps us from ONENESS. I wrote this in 1997, ten years after I changed my complete name on Easter, and threw yellow daffodils in the ocean with friends in a drum ceremony to ritualize my NEWNESS. After Easter 1986, I sent out a notice to friend and family: I legally changed my name. I feel stronger with new energy and I ask you to take notice and help me celebrate this symbol of transformation. Each part of my new name represents significant spiritual experiences, and taken together, I connect with an acceptance of the joy of change. I am evolving. I am learning to be intimate with others without becoming oppressive, and the energy of my new name helps me, with less fear, to be myself.

I have been so angry and controlling and hateful in my codependent care-taking! This was caused by my terrible abuse that I am finally being authentic about. Writing is helping me accept my frailty by learning that it’s common sense that I would be angry after what I went through with my mother and father. This fear and anger worked to co-create hundreds of replications of them throughout my life. I am learning to see that my idea that women and men are mean isn’t the problem. My fear and anger is the problem, and I am humbled to see that my hidden pain has been my own private War. Down deep, under my fear, is ugly guilt and self hatred! OOOOOO, GROSS! I am waiting like a future butterfly in my cocoon, the three days for my Easter.

The greatest thing for me would be that ‘if’, not ‘when’; I get violated by a mean woman or man that a new Easter type response will automatically grow in me. I want to see that this supposed mean person just hates themselves. I hope that I will stay focused on this truth and remember that I am seeing my mirror. They are not my enemy; hate is the enemy! And women and men are on the same side fighting the very private War with ego. I want to spontaneously feel empathy and kindness and love, instead of fear and anger. I’m sure, now, that we all have a Good Friday in us. What a Good day it would be if we all owned our stuff, and stopped pointing out into the illusion and fighting to try and convince others, that what we see is true. It’s all really a blessing out there to forgive, isn’t it?

Diamond Compassion

Oh to experience the depth of naïveté
To sense such total Surrender
Right In the face of fear illusion

Then as the Light of Spirit Conscience shines
Such deep Compassion comes essence-Grace
Sparkling from Love’s huge Crystalline Diamond

Immortal Loving Presence of God
I AM Divine Source, Self Destiny
What’s not to Love with Compassion, or who?

What facet reflecting Joy remains, but for service
Peace in Harmony within forgiveness Heart muse
Part of all, from knowing deep wisdom of gratitude

ONENESS in the Spirit of Love
ONENESS Spirit fountain of Delight
Grace myself inside my mind imagine!