Is this how you do it, Daddy?
By Steve Beckow, June 29, 2022
(Golden Age of Gaia)
Your email saying when I talk about myself, it’s either the same for you or backlights how you are is encouraging to me. Thank you for that.
Sometimes, it really is like going out on the skinny branches. Exhilarating but risky. So I do need encouragement.
In the growth movement, what I’m saying to you would have been the substance of our everyday discussions (without the technical jargon).
In honor of what I learned from them, I jump into the breach again.
***
My grand motif is the troll under the bridge, a grumpy old fart who was of course always right.
Being right was the lynchpin of it all. Why? What’s the origin of the vasana (core issue)? If my Dad were about to slap you, you were spared “the back of his hand” if you could prove that you were right. I was right to avoid being punished.
I was determined to stop passing along these bad habits (we wouldn’t have called it “intergenerational transfer” back then) and went on to create my own brand of messes entirely from scratch.
***
When I vote not to go with the troll any more, I begin to see him better. He manifests as grouchy feelings, fixed positions, and negative attitudes. The overall feeling is hostile and suspicious.
It’s a piece of work to lay him to rest. I find that he’s like an octopus with a hundred tentacles, each one sucking the life out of me, until I end up in a rocking chair, muttering to myself.
Nevertheless, if war were declared tomorrow, I’d drop him in an instant. Even saying that calls my adult to the forefront of my consciousness and I get that I’ve been dawdling, refusing to grow up.
Lately I’ve gotten glimpses of that mature adult that all of us have inside. (1) We also have an innocent child, which I’ve experienced. (2) And we probably have a loving parent as well. All existing under the blanket of vasanas and their resulting behavior patterns that hide our acts and numbers from our own awareness. (3)
Time to call myself on dawdling. Time to grow up.
Footnotes
(1) Call it your Higher Self.
(2) I experienced my own purity and innocence in the fourth-chakra sight of the Self at Xenia, Sept. 18, 2018. See “We Are, All of Us, Innocent and Pure,” April 7, 2020, at https://goldenageofgaia.com/2020/04/07/307247/
(3) In the first book I ever wrote in 1978, I said, “We’re invisible only to ourselves.” You could say that a major part of my work has been describing how the processes of invisibility and transparency work.