By Steve Beckow, October 1, 2021
(Golden Age of Gaia)
I’m posting a copy of How to Process a Number One Upset ahead of time because I believe Oct. 2 could see dramatic events and I want this available before, say, the Internet shuts down.
Download a copy of How to Process a Number One Upset here: https://goldenageofgaia.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/How-to-Process-a-Number-One-Upset-R10.pdf.
Remind me never to say a vasana is finished. This one has me by the throat.
If I didn’t know what was happening, I’d be having a fight right now with my significant other, moving out, moving to another province, and congratulating myself on having done something for myself for a change.
This one is of an intensity where, to express it fully, I’d have to be completely vile, merciless. That’s how rotten I feel when I really allow myself to feel it.
I’m now feeling humiliation surface and I see every humiliating moment in my life – making a speech about Ascension to my high school grad class and being rebuffed, receiving an award on high-school awards day, only to have the principal ask my Mom and Dad to stand (and they were divorced, which was a disgraceful thing in those days). My Dad was in the balcony and my Mom on the main floor. Ooooooooooo…..
Pushing my Mom to get me back on the school patrol – after I quit – because they were being awarded this neat pin. Watching my then girlfriend cheating on me before my very eyes. Never knowing what the hell I was doing making love. On and on the memories go.
There’s a long line of humiliations and they end up in the same place – the original humiliation I felt at being rejected by my Father early on.
I didn’t have the loving relationship with my Dad that many people did and I feel the lack. I feel lonely, disconnected, as if I’m all alone (if I am, it’s by my choosing). Part of my being a hermit, a loner derives from that early rejection.
I feel release from seeing myself as a rejected child. Release suggests that I just hit on a truth. That’s encouragement to continue.
My eyes fell on the shopping cart I was using that day to carry a box of scrapbooks back to the garage. It was tippy and so my attention was on it and I just assumed I had my bag on.
The minute I saw the shopping cart in the hall I began to hyperventilate and feel like I was going to die. When I look at my replacement shoulder bag, same thing. When I even think of taking my new computer outside, an EBS announcement goes off in my brain to stop me (the computer stays in my apt. now)
There are changes I’ll make tomorrow which I won’t discuss. How could so much come out of a small personal loss like this?
I feel worn out and need to sleep. My stomach hurts and I’m hyperventilating again.
I’ve been using the universal law to ask the Company of Heaven to get my bag back.
I feel so debilitated by worry right now – worry that I’ll have a break-in, worry that my passwords will be discovered and used, etc.
So it’s been several days now and the vasana cannot be said to be gone because it gets retriggered at sights like my replacment bag or the shopping cart. And I’ve never seen such strong retriggering.
This is what some people will be going through who wake up to the fact that vaccines are harmful, that their favorite singer uses the White Rabbit (adrenochrome, captured from tortured children), that a man or woman they admired is a child rapist.
If you’re watching what’s happening to me, it’s probably a decent preview of the pain that some of us will then feel.
I’d have to take time off work to manage this if I were in an office. For sure I wouldn’t preside over a hearing and be as crippled emotionally as I am right now. It’d skew my decision. I have to let the volcano erupt again and again until it settles down.
Download a copy of How to Process a Number One Upset here: https://goldenageofgaia.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/How-to-Process-a-Number-One-Upset-R10.pdf.