By Steve Beckow, September 30, 2021
(Golden Age of Gaia)
This series has been collected into a book, below.
I post it one day earlier than I’d planned because Oct. 1 could see media and devices shut down.
Probably not (more disinformation) but I don’t want to take the chance that it will be and you won’t have the advantage of downloading this book.
The book will be updated as we go along and the revision number raised.
Download a copy of How to Process a Number One Upset here: https://goldenageofgaia.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/How-to-Process-a-Number-One-Upset-R10.pdf.
I write this series of articles as part of our Ascension ethnography, yes, but also because I think it’s predictable that major upsets are on their way.
They’ll occur when many people learn the truth of what’s been happening in our world.
I want to record as much as I can about the impact and resolution of what Werner Erhard might call a Number One Upset has been for me. (1) It’s happening as a result of me losing my shoulder bag, which, in my story, had “everything” in it.
I want to give as much detail as is needed to create a picture in your mind’s eye.
I said earlier:
“As I go about my activity today, unwitting reminders arise and I feel fresh twinges and replays of the vasana. But I can more easily go through them now. They’re not a problem.” (2)
Delete that.
Yes, the vasana has been seen and gone through once, but it’s reawakened every time I see an image in my mind of the bag on the ground at the bus stop or a thought of what has been lost. And it reawakens in strength.
I’m going through replays that are so stressful that my hand begins to tremble and my breathing gets labored when I see the bag in my mind. I almost have to sit down or lean on something. So we’re not done with this.
All my pretensions to having a shred of worth in this world are under fierce attack at this moment. The self-blame is enormous. (3)
The stress will fade with time but it’ll recur when I’m triggered by something that resembles losing my bag. This is the time when all the literature on processing a vasana comes in handy. (4)
***
You saw that, when I watched Frazzeldrip at Xenia on Sept. 17, 2018, I went into such a state of shock that it took a spiritual experience – a fourth-chakra event – to dynamite me out of it. (5) I didn’t want to be a human at that moment. Get me out of this place.
I’m endeavoring to function here as an honest witness to the truth. Whether I’m honest or not, you have to decide. But I watched Frazzeldrip as a journalist so you wouldn’t need to.
Not like I can remember much of it. I just see horrible, horrible scenes in my mind and hear screams I don’t ever want to hear again, knowing what’s happening to cause them. (6) I shiver and end up weeping thinking of them.
Who do you tell? Who wants to hear of such things? You get the picture of what it’s like to see something really upsetting and to serve as an honest witness to the truth (because it’s a social role)
What we’re going to be dealing with soon could have serious emotional repercussions if we don’t know how to navigate it.
***
The single processing of the vasana hasn’t erased the images of what happened from my mind. I still flash on them, and practically need to sit down when I do. My point is to give you a word picture of a number one upset.
It wasn’t the money that was in my bag. It wasn’t even the computer or hard drive as pieces of equipment.|
It was the ID and password documents, identifying where I live, where I bank, etc., etc. That presented an enormous security threat. There were shockwaves when I saw my shoulder bag in my mind’s eye.
There were shock waves when I thought of my password files, my ID documents, my lost computer files of a lifetime’s research. Everything was in that bag.
Now, even the thought of the work involved in changing all my passwords has my light fade. And that’s yet another layer to the vasana: The thought of the work involved in recovery. Almost overwhelming unto itself.
Let us squeeze managing a daily blog in here somewhere too: Another layer to the vasana.
This is a vasana, right? A core issue. Something in which one’s identity and sense of security are involved and at stake?
And I’m living the moment. It doesn’t matter that I later realized that I could piece my files together even if I lost another hard drive, I have so many hard drives. That was later. I have to relive the original moment as it was.
To be truth and cause release, we have to experience and know the vasana as the truth, as what it was in reality at the time rather than in our later manicured story.
***
Back to the vasana. At that moment all was lost. No computer. No idea of the consequences of some of my files being taken.
And my passwords being there just added to the extreme stress levels I was experiencing.
The original shock of realizing I’d left my bag at the bus stop almost had me go into a breathing fit.
So this is a Number One Upset. Everything past, present, and future is threatened. Take a picture of it and remember I said so when you find out what your favorite Hollywood star has been up to.
That’s why I’m exposing myself to the world’s gaze right now. So you can remember: There is a way through the awful way you feel.
You don’t need to panic and sell the family farm (as some members of the cabal are rumored to be presently doing). You don’t need to divorce your partner. This series of articles is about the alternative.
***
Vasanas are often layered. They can be linked as well, as scripts people live. (7) I’m now encountering a layer that goes into shock each time I see the bag in my mind’s eye. I flash on it and my hands begin to shake. My breath becomes labored.
I found myself looking away from the mind-picture immediately in vasana-creating behavior. But then I said to myself, that’s exactly the opposite of what I should be doing. And I lashed myself to the chair and watched the inner video.
In my imagination, I was looking at my bag on the ground and knowing I was going to lose it. I made a lunge for it to get out some of the things I valued. But a hand held me back.
My hands are trembling. My breath is labored. I slump in the chair.
***
To the person who says I’m attached, that’s an interesting point, which I never could have discussed with you a few days ago. Don’t even try to advise or converse with a person near to being in shock.
But now, yes, I can discuss it. I’m actually not attached to my equipment or research. I’ve gone through other instances where it looked like I’d lost everything. A couple of days and I was fine.
It never happened but I had the experience under my belt of losing all my work: I realize that I am not my work.
After that I could become a dishwasher and be happy – as I have been in hard times in the past.
No, it’s threatening the security of future (post-Reval) plans. Lest I make matters worse, let me censor myself on that one.
I really dropped the ball, I’m saying to myself. That’s another layer to this vasana: Self-blame, a loss of confidence.
You ask why old people get really old really fast after the loss of a loved one. This is the process. For them loss of motivation, loss of caring about life, loss of a desire to eat, etc.
Some of that is happening with me.
The alternative is to process it as I’m doing here. Go with it. Let it play itself out upon you and it will leave. Resist and it’ll stay.
So I sit up in my chair and just experience the feelings.
***
So you can see, when a person is in a major, major vasana, a Number One Upset, they’re not fit for anything … but writing about it. It’s paralyzing. It “undoes” a person.
Just the after-shocks when I see my bag on the ground in imagination are enough to start me trembling and gasping for breath. I become like a frail, old person in that moment.
I should stop here, to give you a rest. I’m trying to show you what it’s like to go through an upset so shocking that you make life-and-death decisions in the face of it (“I don’t care to live any more. I don’t want to show my face. I can’t live with the humiliation”).
Please don’t say I’m making lemonades from lemons. In a short amount of time, this will be serious business. I think upsets are on the way.
We need to get serious about their impact. Never mind having food and drink on hand. Have this series on hand as well.
I’ve made a booklet of them, but I’ll be constantly adding to it and increasing the revision number. I’m doing that because the announcements could come tomorrow; no one knows the date. So better to get this out right away.
Footnotes
(1) Involving shock and loss. I apologize to Werner. I can no longer remember his original formulation and am paraphrasing, with some loss of meaning.
(2) “From Heavenly Clouds to Mud Bath and Back – Part 3,” September 29, 2021, at https://goldenageofgaia.com/2021/09/29/from-heavenly-clouds-to-mud-bath-and-back-part-3/
(3) An hour after writing this article, I’ve just seen another of the originating incidents for the way I feel right now. I’m flashing back on the failed Neptune Expedition. Identifying that relieves a little bit more of the stress I feel.
And now I’m seeing yet another originating incident: When I discovered that my guru of 25 years was a pedophile. The bottom dropped out of my world and I threw out the twelve books and booklets I’d written about him.
(4) See Vasanas: Preparing For Ascension by Clearing Old Issues at https://goldenageofgaia.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/07/Vasanas-Preparing-for-Ascension-R8.pages.pdf
(5) See “We Are, All of Us, Innocent and Pure,” April 7, 2020, at https://goldenageofgaia.com/2020/04/07/307247/
“Archangel Michael Explains What Happened at Xenia,” Sept. 22, 2018, at http://goldenageofgaia.com/2018/09/22/archangel-michael-explains-what-happened-at-xenia/
(6) Claude Steiner, Scripts People Live.
Download a copy of How to Process a Number One Upset here: https://goldenageofgaia.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/How-to-Process-a-Number-One-Upset-R10.pdf.
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